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about

After listening to this track, you will know more about barnacles than you ever probably knew before, or even knew that you wanted to know.
You will also see how barnacles connect to suburbia, PhD's, Charles Darwin, war, internet comment boards, and reproduction, specifically penises.
What more could you want from a simple six to seven minute song?

lyrics

Barnacles!

Today we’re talking about barnacles, so don’t give me no ‘guff
We’re talking about barnacles – we don’t talk about them enough!
You’re thinking: “What could I learn about barnacles that could possibly enlighten me?”
Well, don’t be shy, come along for the ride, let’s see what we shall see …

See barnacles are smarter than you first might think.
They burrow into a whale, hitch a ride through the drink.
A fine example of symbiotic commensalism -
Although the grip of a barnacle can be tyrannical.

Barnacles!
Tenacious little pooters!
A species to look up to!
Barnacles!

You can think of them as dedicated suburbanites
Whose food flows through the local conurbation.
A fine example of location, location, location.
You could call it a crustacean staycation situation.

Barnacles!
Watch out for that harpoon!
There goes the neighbourhood!
Barnacles!

Historically, barnacles have garnered the attention
Of luminaries such as the late Charles Darwin.
A fine example of a PhD gone on too long -
8 years, 4 volumes!

Barnacles!
Gonna need more funding!
Should be done by next year!
Barnacles!

But some people on internet comment boards
Get grossed out and want to sand-blast the cetaceans.
A fine example of poor crustacean education
And how their rigid adherence to their opinions makes them metaphorically similar to the creatures they hate!

Barnacles!
A controversial topic!
You’re either with us or against us!
Barnacles!

Barnacles attach to US navy ships
Slow them down, and make going to war a drag.
A fine example of direct-action protest.
Small but mighty, they probably work by consensus.

Barnacles!
Nature’s little ship disturbers!
Often in a meeting!
Barnacles!

Now this final verse might be a bit emasculating -
‘Cuz they have the world’s proportionately longest doooooooooooooooooooooongs.
A fine example of local adaptation -
A human barnacle dong would be 60 feet long!

Barnacles!
Extremely well hung!
Can’t cock-block a barnacle!
Barnacles!
Can’t dance!
So we have to dance for them!
They’re not charismatic megafauna!
C’mon, show ‘em some love!

Barnacles
Barnacles
Barnacles
Barnacles!

Barnacles, my Lord, barnacles
Barnacles are such good symbiotes
Let us sing to all barnacles
Oh barnacles, barnacles!

credits

from LaughCry, SmartStupid​!​!, released May 29, 2019
Conrad Sichler - vocals, Charles Darwin, acoustic guitars and electric guitars, backing vocals, found sounds
Nicholas Valerio - drums
Andrew Marshall - bass
Amy King - found sounds

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riot nrrd Hamilton, Ontario

riot nrrd was spawned in Winnipeg, Manitoba where he hung out with and played music with some of the members of The Weakerthans and Propogandhi. Many years and travels later, he landed in Hamilton, Ontario, where he released settle in 2014 and LaughCry, SmartStupid!! in 2019, joining 'free of the suburban dream' from 1999. riot nrrd is like riot grrrl, but for nerds. ... more

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